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I'm having an interesting evening. I am in one of those moods--The moods where I feel disconnected, disjointed and distant. I want to get in a car and just drive away--drive, and drive, and drive until the road wears out the tires and I run out of gas. Then I want to get out of the car and walk on--walk, and walk, and walk until I find the edge of everything. Then I want to stand on the edge and throw rocks over the side. The world is too big, and I am too small. I don't know where my place is. I don't know how I fit. Life feels like six different puzzles all jammed into the same crumpled box.
And the thing is, I shouldn't feel like this. I have so much, so many things that other people dream of and hope for--a good family, an education, food, shelter, security, long dark eyelashes... I really do have so much and on paper I am happy. Why do I have to convince myself that I am actually happy? My strange mood is compounded by guilt rising in the back of my throat.
My thoughts are vague, and watery. It is hard to put into words my mind. Why do I feel like such a failure? I don't know. Why do I feel chipped? Like that one plate my mom has in the matching set of ten, that one plate that got dropped--yeah, that is sort of how I feel, I think. Why is my best not good enough for myself? Why do I bite back disappointment when I look at myself? Why do I always pick, and pick, and pick? Why can't I be content? Why can't I like myself? I don't know.
I suppose it is just discouragement I'm wrestling with. I will be fine, this mood I'm in will pass. I'll probably just delete this post when I am not feeling this way anymore. I don't like posting inner thoughts and feelings on the internet very often, the truth is that I don't always know how to deal with my emotions very well and it embarrasses me. I try to handle myself well, but I'm still the tactless, sensitive, insecure twelve year old girl that I haven't managed to grow out of yet.
Maybe that is why I fantasize about running away and throwing rocks.
And the thing is, I shouldn't feel like this. I have so much, so many things that other people dream of and hope for--a good family, an education, food, shelter, security, long dark eyelashes... I really do have so much and on paper I am happy. Why do I have to convince myself that I am actually happy? My strange mood is compounded by guilt rising in the back of my throat.
My thoughts are vague, and watery. It is hard to put into words my mind. Why do I feel like such a failure? I don't know. Why do I feel chipped? Like that one plate my mom has in the matching set of ten, that one plate that got dropped--yeah, that is sort of how I feel, I think. Why is my best not good enough for myself? Why do I bite back disappointment when I look at myself? Why do I always pick, and pick, and pick? Why can't I be content? Why can't I like myself? I don't know.
I suppose it is just discouragement I'm wrestling with. I will be fine, this mood I'm in will pass. I'll probably just delete this post when I am not feeling this way anymore. I don't like posting inner thoughts and feelings on the internet very often, the truth is that I don't always know how to deal with my emotions very well and it embarrasses me. I try to handle myself well, but I'm still the tactless, sensitive, insecure twelve year old girl that I haven't managed to grow out of yet.
Maybe that is why I fantasize about running away and throwing rocks.
Beware! It's a ghostly affair!
The weather has turned cool all across Raccolto; nights grow longer and mornings are misty and gray from fog off the sea. The Islands' trees have become canvases of orange, red, and yellow, which are swiftly giving way to tones of rust and umber. Fields stand empty as the lasts harvests are brought in. Autumn has arrived in regal, solemn austerity, and with it, something ominous has come too. In spite of the the cozy warmth of plush woolen sweaters and mugs of spiced drink, not withstanding the pleasant crackle of leaves and the scent of cedar logs in the fireplace, there is a tingling chill that lingers. While heat and comfort are found indo
Hollow Coves
Hello,
If anyone is looking for a good band, Hollow Coves is one of my favorites.
I hope you're doing well
Eight True Facts About Colo
Got tagged by the lovely ~Goaterz (https://www.deviantart.com/goaterz) Hehehe, it's been a long time since I've done one of these journal memes. I love them ^ u ^
1. When Colo first entered the Traveler's Forest he hung out in the shifting woods for a few hours, curious about his surroundings and content on his own. When Theo came to bring him to the city proper, and Colo realized he was being followed, he climbed a tree and yelled at Theo... for a while. Theo is patient and Colo can shout curses for a long time. Many Seele residents have at least heard rumors about this.
2. Colo loves fruit. If he has to pick a favorite he'd most likely say peaches. Peaches reminds him o
Sybal Heim Applications
%Sybal-Heim (https://www.deviantart.com/sybal-heim)
Hey everyone, I hope you have had a nice Summer! I wanted to send out a signal boost for Sybal Heim. Sybal Heim will be accepting applications until October 1st! If you enjoy immortality, super powers, rebellions, history, and monsters--come check us out!!! We are an Art & Role-Play group, with a friendly community and an exciting story.
You can learn more about how to join here:
And here:
We'd love to have you join!
:iconSybal-Heim:
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*offers hug* o n o