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About Deviant Artist Member MeemzerUnknown Groups :iconthesporiwall: TheSporiWall
 
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Meemzer

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...And than an owl.

...^^
|(Ovo)~<3
|/``.`
|,,/.'.'/
-/--"-"------
I'm having an interesting evening. I am in one of those moods--The moods where I feel disconnected, disjointed and distant. I want to get in a car and just drive away--drive, and drive, and drive until the road wears out the tires and I run out of gas. Then I want to get out of the car and walk on--walk, and walk, and walk until I find the edge of everything. Then I want to stand on the edge and throw rocks over the side. The world is too big, and I am too small. I don't know where my place is. I don't know how I fit. Life feels like six different puzzles all jammed into the same crumpled box. 

And the thing is, I shouldn't feel like this. I have so much, so many things that other people dream of and hope for--a good family, an education, food, shelter, security, long dark eyelashes... I really do have so much and on paper I am happy. Why do I have to convince myself that I am actually happy? My strange mood is compounded by guilt rising in the back of my throat. 

My thoughts are vague, and watery. It is hard to put into words my mind. Why do I feel like such a failure? I don't know. Why do I feel chipped? Like that one plate my mom has in the matching set of ten, that one plate that got dropped--yeah, that is sort of how I feel, I think. Why is my best not good enough for myself? Why do I bite back disappointment when I look at myself? Why do I always pick, and pick, and pick? Why can't I be content? Why can't I like myself? I don't know. 

I suppose it is just discouragement I'm wrestling with. I will be fine, this mood I'm in will pass. I'll probably just delete this post when I am not feeling this way anymore. I don't like posting inner thoughts and feelings on the internet very often, the truth is that I don't always know how to deal with my emotions very well and it embarrasses me. I try to handle myself well, but I'm still the tactless, sensitive, insecure twelve year old girl that I haven't managed to grow out of yet.  

Maybe that is why I fantasize about running away and throwing rocks. 

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:iconblazedenosferatu:
BlazeDeNosferatu Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Meemz!!! I hope it was a wonderful day full of celebration!!! :'D
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:iconmeemzer:
Meemzer Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
Thank you very much Blaze! I'm sorry I took so long to reply, I appreciate the message ^u^
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:iconblazedenosferatu:
BlazeDeNosferatu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
no worries! i am a late reply-er myself <333 just happy to hear you're well :hug::heart:
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:iconakiwitch:
akiwitch Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY
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:iconmeemzer:
Meemzer Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
And Happy Birthday to you too!! I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, or wish you a good day! 
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:iconcatswire:
CatsWire Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fave! :)
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:iconnewsha-ghasemi:
Newsha-Ghasemi Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch love!
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:iconmeemzer:
Meemzer Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
You're welcome ^u^
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:icongreatshinigami:
GreatShinigami Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Thanks a lot for the faves! :D
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:iconmeemzer:
Meemzer Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
You are welcome! I really enjoyed looking at your wood carving and bone carving work--it is amazing! Thank you for sharing pictures of it on the internet. I would like to learn how to do something like that someday, but it will take years to become as skilled as you are! 
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