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About Deviant Artist Member MeemzerUnknown Groups :iconthesporiwall: TheSporiWall
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Meemzer's Profile Picture

...And than an owl.

I'm having an interesting evening. I am in one of those moods--The moods where I feel disconnected, disjointed and distant. I want to get in a car and just drive away--drive, and drive, and drive until the road wears out the tires and I run out of gas. Then I want to get out of the car and walk on--walk, and walk, and walk until I find the edge of everything. Then I want to stand on the edge and throw rocks over the side. The world is too big, and I am too small. I don't know where my place is. I don't know how I fit. Life feels like six different puzzles all jammed into the same crumpled box. 

And the thing is, I shouldn't feel like this. I have so much, so many things that other people dream of and hope for--a good family, an education, food, shelter, security, long dark eyelashes... I really do have so much and on paper I am happy. Why do I have to convince myself that I am actually happy? My strange mood is compounded by guilt rising in the back of my throat. 

My thoughts are vague, and watery. It is hard to put into words my mind. Why do I feel like such a failure? I don't know. Why do I feel chipped? Like that one plate my mom has in the matching set of ten, that one plate that got dropped--yeah, that is sort of how I feel, I think. Why is my best not good enough for myself? Why do I bite back disappointment when I look at myself? Why do I always pick, and pick, and pick? Why can't I be content? Why can't I like myself? I don't know. 

I suppose it is just discouragement I'm wrestling with. I will be fine, this mood I'm in will pass. I'll probably just delete this post when I am not feeling this way anymore. I don't like posting inner thoughts and feelings on the internet very often, the truth is that I don't always know how to deal with my emotions very well and it embarrasses me. I try to handle myself well, but I'm still the tactless, sensitive, insecure twelve year old girl that I haven't managed to grow out of yet.  

Maybe that is why I fantasize about running away and throwing rocks. 

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Trueblue-Lua Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav: on Donate Button, Laytonmobile, and I'm not obsessed!
Meemzer Featured By Owner 2 days ago
You are welcome! I love your almost paper-cut painting style. It is darling! 
Trueblue-Lua Featured By Owner 15 hours ago  Professional Digital Artist
Oh thanks I like it too :3
DubuGomdori Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014
⦁    Please join us in this feast we the Tyrells have prepared for our honored guests. But first let us check if your name is on our list. . . .Guards  arrest this deviant! Thank you for the fave though,
TheReach_Feast_DubuGomdori by DubuGomdori
Meemzer Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014
Haha--you're welcome ^u^ It's a nice perspective piece. 
SkySinger92 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
So sorry this is a bit late, but thanks a bundle for favoriting my little Brachiosaurus ami! :D (Big Grin)  I'm so glad you like him!~ ^_^
Meemzer Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014
You are welcome! <3 
IrisHime Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Student Digital Artist - Jackknife!!
BlazeDeNosferatu Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Meemz!!! I hope it was a wonderful day full of celebration!!! :'D
Meemzer Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
Thank you very much Blaze! I'm sorry I took so long to reply, I appreciate the message ^u^
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